Money and Marriage: Thoughts on Ways To Manage Finances as a Couple

Financial Alignment as a couple is incredibly important. An overwhelming body of research points to “money disagreements” as a consistent top 3 cause of divorce. 

Let’s discuss a few of those disagreements and as always, get practical with what to do about them.

First, as with most things in a relationship, it comes down to communication.

According to the Journal of Financial Therapy, couples often have different financial mindsets.

One may have grown up a saver, the other a spender. One may track their money religiously, the other may be totally unaware of theirs. 

They have totally different money world views and never discuss them.

A good way to get ahead of this is having a “money talk”.

During your engagement, have an open discussion about finances:

• What are your financial goals long-term? 
• What type of car do you see yourself driving?
• What type of house do you see us living in one day?
• Are you naturally a saver or spender?
• How did your parents handle money in your childhood?
• Have you ever helped family members financially? Do you see that happening once we are married?
• Are you in any debt? What does that look like for you?

Discussing these questions openly and without judgment early is a great way to set expectations and get ahead of inevitable disagreements. 

Another risk area is around financial stress and debt. 

We can’t control unexpected job loss or the rising cost of living, but we can take steps to make dealing with those more manageable. 

Living beneath your means and building a strong emergency fund will help cushion the financial blows that life will throw at you and your partner. 

Doing this can be difficult since the dual-income life may entice you to splurge.

Stay financially conservative early and build that nest egg. 

Finally, each of you need to have a basic level of involvement with your money.

For most couples, one of you will likely naturally become the “manager” of the finances. That’s okay and expected. 

But it has been shown that resentment can build when one spouse lacks agency and understanding of the family’s money. 

Thankfully, technology makes it easier than ever for couples to stay on the same page with money.

Personally, my wife and I have a shared view of our spending/investments through our Copilot account. We have a joint-view of our 401(k)s, checkings/savings accounts through Chase, and a joint brokerage account through Fidelity.

We aren’t watching our spending every day/week, but at a minimum, every 1-3 months, we sit down and do a money check-in:

• How has our spending been compared to our budget?
• How are our saving goals going? 
• Any big purchases coming up in the next few months we need to prepare for?
• Did we touch our emergency fund and do we need to refill it?

Like I mentioned, it’s okay for one of you to lead and be more involved with your finances, but it’s helpful if each of you, at a minimum, know the basics.

A final note that may be helpful: One of the first things we realized with our money is we spend it on very different things. This led to disagreements on what was reasonable to buy.

Because of this, we set up a monthly “Personal Fund” in our budget. 

This is a set amount of money that we can each spend on whatever we want ~judgment free~ from the other. 

This has been a great way to manage our spending without getting into a pattern of having to justify every purchase to each other.

Any money we don’t spend one month rolls over to the next. This helps us save up for larger personal purchases.

“Couples and Money” is a complicated topic and one that will take continued effort throughout your marriages. 

Keep Communicating!